For me, working with someone in therapy is working in a loving relationship.
It’s true that it is not what you might normally expect in a loving relationship; in that each share who they truly are, because as a therapist I don’t share very much of my personal self. The relationship focuses on who the client is, what they bring in with them: their loves, their struggles and pains.
However, I hope to create a safe space for my client to bring all of this, and to discover more of the lost parts of themselves. I use myself to really ‘be’ with my client, soul to soul, to support their healing. And that works both ways. My clients also heal and teach me – they affect me.
Quantum physicist, Erwin Schrodinger, postulated that if you measure the sum total of the number of minds in the universe, there would be just one. We affect each other. In the quantum field of non-locality there is no distance. Thus, once a particle of a substance has been in contact with another particle, both particles continue to react in tandem, even though subsequently separated. As Borysenko (2017) explains, ‘In the quantum world of non-locality, there’s no distance. This is demonstrated in Bell’s Theorem. Let’s say that there’s a molecule of salt—sodium chloride. When it’s sprinkled on your food, eaten, and then excreted, the two atoms of the molecule are broken apart. The sodium may be in one place and the chlorine somewhere else. But even in separate places, if the sodium rotates, so does the chlorine. Everything is connected in what Albert Einstein called a “spooky” way that’s beyond the Newtonian physics of gravity and larger forces’.
We are connected to each other – even when not in the room together. The therapist-client bond is a soul to soul relationship and affects the universal mind. How we behave, what we believe, affects everything that is.
So for me, psychotherapy is about love. We all need it, but many have not been in it, do not love themselves, nor have they been loved by anyone else. Without connecting to love we can live in a world of anxiety, depression, pain and more.
If my client doesn’t receive loving acceptance from me, perhaps for the first time in their life, how will they ever lovingly accept themselves?
We are not separate, not separated by conditions, or our history, our parents, our inheritance – to go the separate path is to lose valuable parts of ourselves. For me psychotherapy is a route for compassion, empathy, connectedness, holding and safety and only this relieves suffering – personal, familial, and collective – all of us are affected by the other’s suffering.
Our suffering is a gift to the spirit, personally and collectively. Our trauma teaches us about ourselves, and others. Let your pain up gently, a little at a time, so not to re-traumatise, and gradually come to understand your story, reclaim your lost parts, shed your tears and be compassionate with yourself.
As a psychotherapist I get to share the beauty I find in myself so that others can find the beauty in themselves. Healing happens in that intimate connection, in relationship with your therapist, and through that relationship, to everyone else.
Borysenko, J., (2017), Psychotherapy of the Heart, available at: https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1235/psychotherapy-of-the-heart, accessed 04.11.17.