“Sometimes I feel like I’m here, but not really here.”
Many people experience dissociation at some point in their lives, but they may not always have a name for it.
If you dissociate, you might feel disconnected from yourself or the world around you. Perhaps you feel like you’re outside your body, or that the world feels distant, dreamlike, or somehow unreal. You might zone out during conversations, lose time, or find yourself on autopilot, feeling like you’re arriving somewhere without remembering the journey.
It can be strange, unsettling, or even frightening, especially if you don’t know what it is. But dissociation is more common than we often realise, and it’s the mind’s natural way of protecting us when things become too overwhelming.
Everyday Dissociation
Not all dissociation is a sign of trauma or distress. You might have had this experience without thinking of it as anything unusual, for example:
- Getting lost in a book or film and losing awareness of time
- Driving a familiar route and arriving without remembering the details of the journey
- Daydreaming so deeply that someone has to call your name twice
These are everyday examples of dissociation, moments when our attention drifts away from the present. Most of us do this from time to time.
When Dissociation Is a Coping Mechanism
But dissociation can also be a powerful coping strategy. When something traumatic or emotionally overwhelming happens, the mind may dissociate, temporarily disconnect, as a way to protect us from pain or danger.
I remember a time in my own life when I felt like I was watching things happen from far away, as if I were underwater or behind a sheet of glass. I didn’t know then that this was dissociation. I just thought something was wrong with me. In truth, my mind was doing its best to help me cope with what felt unbearable.
This kind of dissociation can happen in response to a single traumatic event or in situations of ongoing stress, such as childhood neglect or abuse. Sometimes it becomes a deeply ingrained pattern; something we learn early on to survive.
Different Types of Dissociative Experiences
Dissociation can show up in many different ways. Some people experience just one or two of these; others might recognise several. All of them are valid and real.
- Memory Loss (Dissociative Amnesia)
You might:
- Have gaps in your memory — parts of your life you can’t recall
- Forget things you used to know well, or things that happened recently
- Find objects in your home you don’t remember buying
- Travel and Identity Loss (Dissociative Fugue)
You might:
- Suddenly find yourself in a different place, with no memory of getting there
- Temporarily take on a new identity or forget who you are
- The World Feels Unreal (Derealisation)
You might:
- Feel like your surroundings are foggy, distant, or dreamlike
- Notice things looking strange; colours too bright, sounds too dull
- Feel like you’re watching life through a pane of glass
- Feeling Detached From Yourself (Depersonalisation)
You might:
- Feel as if you’re watching yourself from outside your body
- Feel numb, robotic, or disconnected from your own emotions
- Be unsure where you end and others begin
- Shifting Identities (Identity Alteration)
You might:
- Feel like different parts of you take over at different times
- Speak or act differently, even using different names
- Feel out of control, as though someone else inside is in charge
- Unstable Sense of Self (Identity Confusion)
You might:
- Feel unsure who you are, or what you like or believe
- Notice that your tastes, thoughts, or beliefs shift in ways that don’t feel consistent
Is This Normal?
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Dissociation is a natural response of the mind. In many cases, it’s how we got through something too difficult to face head-on. That said, if dissociation is happening often or getting in the way of your relationships, work, or sense of self, it might be time to seek support. Dissociative experiences can sometimes be part of mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress or dissociative disorders, and help is available.
Finding Support
In therapy, we can gently explore dissociation in a safe and non-judgmental space. There’s no pressure to “have it all figured out”, just the opportunity to begin understanding what your mind has been trying to do for you, and why.
Sometimes, simply having a name for your experience and hearing that others have felt the same way can bring a great sense of relief.
As someone who has experienced dissociation myself, I know how disorienting it can be. But I also know that healing is possible. Dissociation is not a life sentence; it’s a signal. A signal that something in you needed protecting. And with the right support, that protective pattern can begin to soften.