10 counter-intuitive ways in which we deal with our unexpressed emotions

10 counter-intuitive ways in which we deal with our unexpressed emotions

Ah, emotional repression. The tactic we’re all taught growing up, but loathe to admit we’re engaging in.

In a world that teaches us to be strong and unwavering at all costs, it can be embarrassing to admit that we’re actually feeling something. So, we do the next-best thing – and push that feeling down into the depths of our psyche!

But of course, all repressed feelings resurface eventually. Here are 10 counter-intuitive ways in which we deal with our unexpressed emotions.

1. Taking care of everyone else.

Let’s be serious – it’s a lot easier to deal with someone else’s emotions than it is to deal with your own. So you spend a lot of time sorting out your loved ones’ emotional crises. It makes you feel like you’ve got this whole ‘feelings’ thing down pat – when in reality you’re just avoiding confronting your own.

2. Disappearing from their lives for long periods of time.

Every once in a while, someone rudely evokes emotions in you that you don’t feel capable of handling. So, you just, disappear, for a couple of months until you can be reasonably certain that the emotion in question has been buried deeply enough to not resurface for a while.

3. Constantly. Staying. Busy.

If you’re constantly sprinting from one commitment to another, your emotions can’t possibly catch up! Becoming a low-key workaholic is an excellent alternative to actually feeling your feelings. And a profitable one at that!

4. Continuously claiming that you’re fine.

You like… are fine? You think. You feel fine. If the way ‘fine’ feels is kind of bleak and dead inside, with an undercurrent of inexplicable anxiety.

5. Developing irrational anxieties.

When you don’t acknowledge your feelings, they still come out – they just come out in irrational ways. You know that person who thinks they have a brand-new type of cancer every second week? Probably not the most emotionally in-touch of your friends.

6. Putting a positive spin on everything.

Your worst fear is seeing a friend tilt their head to the side sympathetically and ask you how you’re dealing with a recent negative event. So, you beat them to the punch, by immediately telling them all the awesome realizations you’ve had as a result of said negative experience. If you can put a positive spin on a negative situation, you never have to confront how you’re really feeling!

7. Wanting to plan everything ahead of time.

You like to be in control of absolutely everything that happens to you, because you’re only comfortable in situations where you can predict how you’re going to feel. Doing something genuinely spontaneous and leaving the door open for surprise feelings to jump through? NO THANK YOU.

8. Dating people who are wrong for you.

If you never date someone who’s right for you, you never have to risk becoming emotionally intimate with them. And if you can avoid emotional intimacy with others, you can avoid it within yourself. Double win!

9. Turning EVERYTHING into a joke.

You’re not falling apart at the seams! You can prove it, by turning your pain into everyone else’s amusement.

10. Presenting a tough-as-nails exterior.

There is no such thing as an unemotional person. Even psychopaths experience emotion (just not in the form of interpersonal empathy). Which means that tough-as-hell exteriors are often key indicators that the person behind them is RIFE with repressed emotions.

Try being more honest with yourself and feel your feelings, and if you can’t get in touch with that, consider going to a talking therapist.

Linda Bishopp June 2019

Some of My Journey

Some of My Journey

It doesn’t matter how much I think I know, how long I’ve been a healer, how much training I do as a therapist; I am always in my state of growth. I’m always open and receptive to continue to grow, to continue to learn about myself, to continue to learn about others. If I am not prepared to do this, how could I ever be there for any client or anybody else I ever deal with in my life that I profess to be supporting? How could I walk beside sometime in their hour of need, if I have not experienced the agony and the joy of personal and spiritual growth myself?

Therefore, this article is going to be about my journey of self discovery, from where I am right now. I have done a lot of work on myself in the past 30 or so years but that doesn’t mean that I have finished that work, or that I ever will, because our development is a journey that is always ongoing. I don’t believe that we ever actually “get there”, wherever “there” is. We are always work in progress! Indeed, would our minds not shut down if we ever felt we had reached our journey’s end? I believe that there is no place and time, in our physical manifestation, when everything will be completed – we have committed to continuing the struggle just simply by being here. The point is, the journey life takes us on, and your and my commitment to meeting its challenges and joys on the way.

So, here I am, about to relate my current journey of self discovery. I have some wisdom, just a little! Perhaps just enough to know that I don’t know that much!  Perhaps just enough to know that there is so much more for me to learn and that I am open to continue that journey; to continue to learn to be more and more honest with myself; to continue to access more of my unconscious; to continue to access more of my spiritual awareness and continue growth in all layers of consciousness.

I had difficult family surroundings growing up. They weren’t the worse in the world by any stretch of the imagination; I didn’t suffer for lack of a roof over my head; I didn’t suffer for lack of food or cleanliness or clothes: all my basic needs were met. But psychologically I suffered tremendously. There was cruelty and beating, general lack of love; rejection was constant. I grew up feeling that I didn’t deserve to occupy the space I occupy. I have fought with that in one form or another for most of my life; sometimes with conscious awareness, sometimes not; dipping in and out of the level of pain that conscious awareness brings. But it is only through our conscious awareness of the level of pain that we can come to terms with it and perhaps deal with it in a different way.

For me it is important to understand. To develop an appreciation of how my mind works, how my emotions surface and how both affect my behaviour.

That is why I trained in graphology (handwriting analysis), healing and Reiki, counselling and psychotherapy. Through having a deeper appreciation of who I am I am better able to “be there” for myself and for my clients.

 

It’s All About Love

It’s All About Love

For me, working with someone in therapy is working in a loving relationship. It’s true that it is not what you might normally expect in a loving relationship; in that each share who they truly are, because as a therapist I don’t share very much of my personal self. The relationship focuses on who the client is, what they bring in with them: their loves, their struggles and pains.

However, I hope to create a safe space for my client to bring all of this, and to discover more of the lost parts of themselves. I use myself to really ‘be’ with my client, soul to soul, to support their healing. And that works both ways. My clients also heal and teach me – they affect me.

Quantum physicist, Erwin Schrodinger, postulated that if you measure the sum total of the number of minds in the universe, there would be just one. We affect each other. In the quantum field of non-locality there is no distance. Thus, once a particle of a substance has been in contact with another particle, both particles continue to react in tandem, even though subsequently separated. As Borysenko (2017) explains, ‘In the quantum world of non-locality, there’s no distance. This is demonstrated in Bell’s Theorem. Let’s say that there’s a molecule of salt—sodium chloride. When it’s sprinkled on your food, eaten, and then excreted, the two atoms of the molecule are broken apart. The sodium may be in one place and the chlorine somewhere else. But even in separate places, if the sodium rotates, so does the chlorine. Everything is connected in what Albert Einstein called a “spooky” way that’s beyond the Newtonian physics of gravity and larger forces’.

We are connected to each other – even when not in the room together. The therapist-client bond is a soul to soul relationship and affects the universal mind. How we behave, what we believe, affects everything that is.

So for me, psychotherapy is about love. We all need it, but many have not been in it, do not love themselves, nor have they been loved by anyone else. Without connecting to love we can live in a world of anxiety, depression, pain and more.

If my client doesn’t receive loving acceptance from me, perhaps for the first time in their life, how will they ever lovingly accept themselves?

We are not separate, not separated by conditions, or our history, our parents, our inheritance – to go the separate path is to lose valuable parts of ourselves. For me psychotherapy is a route for compassion, empathy, connectedness, holding and safety and only this relieves suffering – personal, familial, and collective – all of us are affected by the other’s suffering.

Our suffering is a gift to the spirit, personally and collectively. Our trauma teaches us about ourselves, and others. Let your pain up gently, a little at a time, so not to re-traumatise, and gradually come to understand your story, reclaim your lost parts, shed your tears and be compassionate with yourself.

As a psychotherapist I get to share the beauty I find in myself so that others can find the beauty in themselves. Healing happens in that intimate connection, in relationship with your therapist, and through that relationship, to everyone else.

 

References

Borysenko, J., (2017), Psychotherapy of the Heart, available at: https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1235/psychotherapy-of-the-heart, accessed 04.11.17.

 

Healing, Some Research by Linda Bishopp

Healing, Some Research by Linda Bishopp

Werner Heisenberg is one of the chief architects of quantum theory. His Uncertainty Principle implies that,

“no particle ever stays completely at rest but is constantly in motion due to a ground state field of energy constantly interacting with all subatomic matter.  It means that the basic structure of the universe is a sea of quantum fields that cannot be eliminated by any known laws of physics. What we believe to be our stable, static universe is, in fact, a seething maelstrom of subatomic particles fleetingly popping in and out of existence.” 

(taken from The Field by Lynne McTaggart)       

What this means is that when scientists came to try to measure these particles they found that we cannot know both the energy and the lifetime of a particle, therefore, subatomic events, at this level, involves an uncertain amount of energy. We have an unmeasurable amount of energy appearing out of the universe. This subatomic activity, when added across the universe, gives rise to an enormous amount of energy – more than is contained in all the matter in the world.  Physicists refer to this as the Zero Point Field.

We, therefore, live in a quantum sea of light – this is what mystics and healers have been saying for thousands of years, and scientists, although they knew the above facts, have been discounting them because it is ever present and as close to zero as they could get in their calculations.  They theorised that because “it didn’t change anything” it didn’t count, however, therapists working with vibrational medicine know that it does count.

In the early 1990’s an orthodox psychiatrist, Elisabeth Targ, and Fred Sicher, a psychologist and researcher, conducted some research into remote healing.  The patient group were Elisabeth’s patients with advanced AIDS. 

They constructed a rigorously checked, double blind experiment (neither patient nor doctor knew healing was happening).  The patient population had the same degree of illness, the same T-cell counts and the same number of AIDS defining illnesses.  All healing was done remotely so as not to confuse results by meeting the healer or being touched.

Each patient was to be treated by at least 10 healers. All the healers were given to work on was a photograph of the patient, a name and a t-cell count and they were asked to hold an intention of health and well-being for the patient for an hour a day, six days a week, for ten weeks. During the six month trial 40% of the control population died.  But all ten of the patients in the healing group were not only still alive, but had become healthier, on the basis of their own reports and medical evaluations.

Healers develop an ability to tap into the quantum sea of light – the Zero Point Field – and it appears they can use this to create greater “order” in another person, allowing “the Field” to realign another person’s structure. Vibrational medicine includes all the healing modalities that manipulate this field eg healing, Reiki, flower remedies, homeopathy, kinesiology, acupuncture and others. 

If you are interested in reading further, Vibrational Medicine by Richard Gerber, MD; The Field by Lynne McTaggart, or Daniel Benor, Spiritual Healing, Scientific Validation of a Healing Revolution, would be good starting points.

 

Linda Bishopp is a Jungian Psychotherapist, Integrative Counsellor, Spiritual Healer, Reiki Master and Thought Field Therapist. She has a Masters Degree in Psychotherapy and Healing, Diploma in Counselling, has qualified as a healer 30 years ago, been a Reiki Master for 19 years and qualified in Thought Field Therapy 2 years ago.

W: www.lindabishopp.co.uk M: 07905 038378 E: linda.bishopp@hotmail.co.uk